2012: A Year Of Living Fearlessly?

review

(re-vyoo) noun

a report on or evaluation of a subject or past events: a review of 2012.

I don’t know if this happened to you last year or not, but I turned another year older (43… still watching Glee?). Birthdays come and go without much fanfare these days; however, 43 was more stressful than the last few… because of the blog. I was pretty wrapped up in finding a new name for it, mainly since I was no longer going to be 42, but also because I discovered (much to my surprise) that maybe, just maybe, I did have a clue after all…

I know right? Pretty mind-blowing!

The first big change of 2012 came in January when I left my job. I worked at Urban Barn for 10 years, got my Tiffany ring and bolted for greener pastures… Actually, who am I kidding, it was nothing like that. After investing such a long time in a company and helping it grow from 10 to 40 stores you become pretty attached to its people and to its success. Leaving was never something I took lightly. Ultimately, it came down to passion. Sure, the job paid my mortgage, provided me with a comfortable living and helped pay for my new teeth (Chippy, Cracky, Blacky and Can-opener will NOT be missed) but it never truly excited me.  

I know a lot of people that hate their jobs and a few who actually love what they do; the difference is astounding. The quality of life for those who sincerely love their jobs versus those of us who are just going thru the motions? It’s night and day. I kept wondering when I was going to find my calling? When was I going to be “one of those people?” When was it going to be my turn?

Things changed when I let go of the fear. 

On Clues & Closets - Special Guest Post

clue

(kloo) noun
something that serves to guide or direct in the solution of a problem, mystery, etc.; his behaviour gave me a clue as to how I should proceed.

having a clue
(hav-ing a kloo) verb
a socially constructed state of being in which one has it all figured out, but which limits creativity and hinders diversity once attained; he’s 42 and still does not have a clue.

I’m 31, and much like Robbie, I still don’t have a clue – or at least not a solid one. You know, one of those clues you can really hold onto and run away with. The kind of clue that motivates you to eat your Wheaties in the morning and check your mutual funds in the afternoon (I don’t even really know what a mutual fund is – but I hope to, someday).

For now, clues are the stuff that dreams are made of. Or rather, clues and dreams are made of similar stuff. Scratch that – dreams rock, clues are for sell-outs. I’ll return to this point.

On my blog David Bothered (www.davidbothered.com), I write about some pretty big issues – religion, science, environmental conservation, self-actualization, you name it. I always write with the goal to inspire, and to offer alternative perspectives – no, to encourage alternative perspectives. We all have a tendency to get stuck, and getting stuck will get us nowhere (and certainly not any closer to a mutual fund).

But many roads lead to inspiration, and my blog is only one such road, tangled and twisted among a plethora of winding streets and rocky (even icy) paths. Robbie’s blog, 42…Still No Clue is another such road. And it has been with great pleasure that these two particular roads have had the opportunity to intersect.

I tend to get a little serious, whereas Robbie’s road to inspiration is humour – much to my admiration, I might add.

The Soundtrack Of My Life

stupid

(stoo-pid) adjective

lacking intelligence or common sense: I am stupid.

fat

(fat) noun

a natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animals bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs: I am fat.

My brain has a default setting: I am stupid and fat. Like a diabolical jukebox that plays only “Barbie Girl” or “Achey Breaky Heart” until you want to pour battery acid in your ears, so goes my brain.     

It looks something like this: there is a miniature tape player located at the back of my head, snugly lodged in my cerebellum - yours may be an I-Pod if you’ve already had the upgrade. It hums a long, quietly forgotten, playing the dull everyday elevator music of my life until something happens that requires a more dramatic soundtrack. 

CLICK

WHIR

A new track plays…  It’s something more appropriate… It’s… Oh, it’s “You’re Stupid And Fat” again…   

Did I Vote On Your Marriage?

That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for the GLBT community.

Ask any American where the center of the Universe is and they’ll tell you it’s somewhere below the 49^th parallel and above Mexico.  Many will choose New York City, Los Angeles or Las Vegas.  How many would choose Annapolis, Augusta or Olympia, the capital cities of Maine, Maryland and Washington State?

On November 6^th, 2012, the good people of these three states voted to allow same sex couples to get married.  It is the first time in the US where this decision was made by the people and not the courts. 

Forgive me if I overstate; this is a watershed moment for GLBT people worldwide and perhaps the most important day in the history of the gay rights struggle.

America is the bright beacon of hope for so many people around the world, whether we like it or not, often “how goes America, how goes the world.”  Even though it isn’t a perfect system, democracy is the best option out there, and democracy spoke loud and clear on Tuesday night.

Capitalist Vermin

Vermin

(ver-min) noun

various small animals, such as mice or rats, that are destructive, annoying or injurious; the vermin got into our feed and greatly reduced our stock.

Capitalist Vermin

(cap-i-tal-ist ver-min) noun

wealthy vermin, such as Mickey Mouse, who build their nests out of shredded $100 bills; it was a sad day when capitalist vermin purchased Lucasfilm.

I grew up on Star Wars – the good Star Wars.  The Empire Strikes Back remains one of my favorite movies of all time and the most profound film-going experience of my life.  I discovered the true power of cinema: the ability to transport and to inspire wonder and help people escape the cold reality of their own lives.  

I didn’t just love Han Solo; I was Han Solo. 

Creating A Crisis

Crisis

(cri-sis) noun

a time of difficulty, trouble or danger: creating a crisis generally gets you a lot of attention.

As I see it, the inherent flaw in human nature is our need to be loved. 

We can pretend that we are tough and portray ourselves as stoic warriors to the outside world, yet intrinsically, we need, and crave that affirmation from an exterior source.  The desire to be loved, cared about and made to feel special is part of our genetic make-up.  We want to be a part of something that is bigger than ourselves, something that defines us beyond our own narrow, self obsessed point of view. 

This need to be loved can get us in a lot of trouble.

In my family, when one is feeling unloved, we do something unusual – my husband calls it creating a crisis. 

This means we invent a calamity and then milk it for all it’s worth. 

Robbie and Dan's Bogus Journey

Savage

(sav-age) adjective

(of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent and uncontrolled: a savage attack on basic civil rights.

Sav-age, Dan

(1964-) American author, media pundit, and journalist, best know for his internationally syndicated sex advice and relationship column Savage Love: I totally want to spoon with Dan Savage.

My full-blown love affair (entirely one-sided) with Dan Savage is pretty recent.  I’ve enjoyed Savage Love in the Georgia Straight for years, admired his strength of purpose when he founded the “It Gets Better” project, and have always respected his opinions.  It is only in the past several months that I have fallen completely head-over-heels.

I am fairly certain that it’s this new, more aggressive Dan we’ve witnessed lately that has transformed my dull roar into a raging howl.  His increasingly public clashes with FRC fuck-tard Tony Perkins and NOM Nazi Brian Brown have really got my juices flowing.  So, this week, when I was invited to attend a live taping of Slate’s Political Gabfest at Town Hall in Seattle with special guest Dan Savage I jumped at the chance.

Cock Punch - Round 2

punch

(pun-CH) – verb

strike with the fist: that guy deserves a good punch

cock punch

(cock pun-CH) – verb

strike with the fist into a man’s genitals: I would really like to cock punch that guy

It is definitely time to hand out some more cock punches!  The world continues to go crazy and some people are helping it along a little too much.

A Honey Cured Canadian Bacon Cock Punch for that asshole Kevin Reinhart and the shareholders of Nexen Inc. who voted overwhelming to approve a $15.1 billion takeover by CNOOC, a state-owned Chinese oil company.  The deal, which still needs to be approved by the Canadian Government – which we all know it will be – is just the latest example of Stephen Harper and his unpatriotic flunkies in Ottawa selling Canada out to the highest bidder.  Hey Harper, what ever happened to the promised changes in the Investment Canada Act review process you committed too after the Potash debacle?  Is anything you say true? 

Putting yourself out there...

Awareness

(a-ware-ness) noun

knowledge or perception of a situation or fact: World Suicide Prevention Day is essential because it helps to raise public awareness and gives people hope.

Today, 10 September 2012 is World Suicide Prevention Day. 

The mandate of the International Association for Suicide Prevention and the WHO is, on the surface, simple: prevent people from killing themselves.  Thru awareness campaigns and due diligence the IASP advocates for prevention, treatment and follow-up for those who have attempted and responsible reporting of suicides in the media.

Easy, right?

Flame on!

Hero

(he-ro) noun

a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities: a war hero.

Superhero

(su-per-he-ro) noun

a benevolent fictional character with superhuman powers: the sexiest Superhero of them all is Johnny Storm, aka The Human Torch.

Imagine growing up in a world with no positive role models.  Imagine too, growing up in a world without any way to express your true desires.  You are a kid without any posters on your wall, a little boy or girl with no scribbles on your notebook declaring your undeniable love for the latest pop icon or movie star du jour - you are going to marry Justin Timberlake and you need all the other bitches to know and to back the hell off!!

Ruminations on Berlin

Auslander

(Aus-lan-der) – noun

Foreigner, in German: Ich bin ein Auslander (I am a foreigner)

I have fallen in love, fully and completely, with Berlin.  In this city my husband told me I am a good man, “the best man he knows.”

Berlin is green and gorgeous but red with the stain of Germany’s horrific past - you cannot have one without the other.  In all its glory and splendor, its striking architecture and bustling tourism trade, there is an undercurrent of pain and regret, of a history that cannot (nor should not) be forgotten.  I am glad that I feel this way.  To ensure that history does not repeat itself one must first remember and then examine what has come before.

Cock Punch

punch

(pun-CH) – verb

strike with the fist: that guy deserves a good punch

cock punch

(cock pun-CH) – verb

strike with the fist into a man’s genitals: I would really like to cock punch that guy

I did not invent this term but there are times when nothing else will quite suffice.

Happy Unniversary

anniversary

(an-ni-ver-sa-ry) noun

the date on which an event took place in a previous year: today is my fourth wedding anniversary.

unniversary

(un-ni-ver-sa-ry) noun

the date on which an event that should have taken place did not: North Carolinians will celebrate the unniversary of their gay marriage ban on May 9^th 2013.

Important recent unniversaries include January 21^st 2009, when George Bush was sworn in as the 43^rd POTUS.  You know, after he and his Cronies stole the election from Al Gore.  December 13^th 2011 when the Canadian government pulled out of the Kyoto Protocol, effectively reneging on the single most important piece of climate control regulation ever passed.  October 3^rd 1995 when OJ Simpson was found “not guilty” of murdering Nicole Brown and Ronald Goldman.  You remember; the day the entire world went “Fuuuuuuuuck!”

43 and feeling...

birthday

(burth-dey) noun

an anniversary of the day of your birth; I can’t believe I’m having another birthday.

Sooner or later it was bound to happen.  I would have preferred later.  I’ve turned 43.

42 and still no clue has evolved into 43 and feeling _________  I’m not sure how to fill in the blank just yet but I’m confident it will come to me. 

Braaaaains!

Zombie

(zom-bie) noun

a corpse said to be revived by witchcraft, esp. in certain African or Carribbean  nations: watch out for that fucking zombie!

- informal a person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings.

This was my husband’s response when asked if he would kill me if I was bitten by a zombie:  “Without hesitation!”

Plunger problems...

Improvise

(im-pro-vise) noun

produce or make (something) from whatever is available; I improvised a toilet out of a plastic bag.

I took a crap in a plastic bag the other day.  It’s still sitting on my porch…

Lemony Snicket ain’t got nothing on this series of unfortunate events.

Due to the fact that I’ve been so sick from this nasty cold my husband recently “regifted” to me, my brain has been a little foggy.  I may have inadvertently dropped some paper towels into the toilet instead of the wastebasket and caused the whole thing to back up. 

Infected

butter

(but-ter) noun

a pale yellow edible fatty substance made by churning cream and used as a spread or in cooking

lung butter

(lung but-ter) noun

a pale green inedible sticky substance hacked out of the lungs during bouts of the flu

I’ve caught a nasty cold and have been coughing up wads of juicy lung butter for the better part of a week.  It’s the kind of toxic goo that when deposited into the bathroom sink will stick fast and refuse to go down the drain no matter the water pressure used.  My only recourse is to give it a gentle nudge with a finger…

Show Me Your Teeth

tooth fairy

(tooth fair-y) noun

a gay dude who is obsessed with teeth

Chippy, Cracky, Blacky and Can-Opener…

Those were the names of my four front teeth before I had them fixed.  They were vile and disgusting.  I became so self-conscious I would rarely smile and would speak with my hand over my mouth to hide them from sight. 

Things didn’t start out this way.  Up until grade nine I had “normal” teeth.  I never needed braces and my check-ups always went well.  One day, as I was walking to the lunchroom (not watching where I was going) someone opened a door into my face.  It hurt like a motherfucker.  There was a lot of blood.  My journey to becoming a tooth fairy had begun.

My Crack

dress - noun

a one-piece garment for a woman or a girl that covers the body and extends down over the legs

eating dress

(eat-ing dress) noun

any assortment of clothing worn specifically for eating; typically over-sized with an elastic waist; dinner is ready so put on your eating dress.

It was comedienne and activist Margaret Cho who brought this term into my vocabulary. My eating dress is a pair of black sweat-pants, a ratty housecoat (which used to be white) and a pair of slippers.  I change into this ensemble the moment I get home from work (which is pretty much when I start eating) and generally wear it throughout the evening.  I sometimes wonder if my Husband thinks these are the only clothes I own?

The Moment That Changes Everything

Revelation

(rev-e-la-tion) noun

a surprising and previously unknown fact, esp. one that is made known in a dramatic way: revelations about his personal life.

It’s hard to explain.  I knew fairly early on that I was different than the other boys but I didn’t know exactly how.  We liked the same games and watched the same television shows.  We dressed in similar styles and played on the same sports teams. We teased girls, wrestled with each other and behaved like miniature mobsters as most pre-teen boys tend to do.

Bully?

Bully

(bul-ly) noun

a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.

First of all: go see “Bully.”  Take your kids.  Take your neighbor’s kids.  Take your kids entire 11^th grade class.  This is an extremely important, excellently crafted documentary exposing the reality of what is actually happening in our schools.  Maybe it’s happening to your child or maybe it’s happening because of your child…

I was a bully.

Hockey Hangover

Hangover

(hang-o-ver) noun

a severe headache or other side effects caused by drinking excess of alcohol. A thing that has survived from the past: a hangover from the sixties

Hockey Hangover

(hock-ey hang-o-ver) noun

a severe headache and other side effects caused by the dismal failure of Canadian teams to win the Stanley Cup: a hockey hangover since 1993

Now that we’ve all had a little time to digest another wretched year for Canadian hockey teams, it’s time to get real.

Get on the Gravy Train

gravy

(gray-vee)  - noun

The fat and juices exuding from meat during cooking.  A sauce made from these juices together with stock and other ingredients.

There were three rules at the dinner table when I was growing up.  When reaching for anything, one foot had to remain on the floor, your butter could never be thicker than the bread and gravy was not a beverage.  

The Difference

marriage

(mar-riage) noun

the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife: a happy marriage.

gay marriage

(gay mar-riage) noun

same as above except with partners of a similar gender and a lot more oral sex: a very happy marriage.

Its true… 

Decaf

Nebuchadnezzar II

(Neb-u-chad-nez-zar)

(c. 630-562 BC), king of Babylon 605-562 BC  “Destroyer of nations”

Nebuchadnezzar III

(Neb-u-chad-nez-zar)

(1969-TBA AD), fake moniker I give at Starbucks when they ask to write my name on the cup.

I loathe this new policy.

Learning To Count

counting – verb

(with obj.) determine the total  number of (a collection of items): when counting the number of sexual partners you’ve had you must include blowjobs.

I’m about to shatter the myth of rampant promiscuity amongst gay men.  AKA: the “gay men are sluts” rule.  

It’s really just a matter of how you count.

Brewhaha

brouhaha

(broo-haa-haa) - noun

an episode involving excitement, confusion, turmoil, etc., especially a broil over a minor or ridiculous cause: a brouhaha by the water-polo players resulted in three black eyes.

brewhaha

(brew-ha-ha) - noun

an episode involving terror, tumult, turbulence, etc., specifically when ones bowels are set to explode with atom-smashing force: a brewhaha by the water-polo players resulted in the condemning of the pool.

Clueless

clueless

(clue-less) – adjective

having no knowledge, understanding or ability: you’re clueless about how to deal with the world

Exactly…

Besides also being one of the best movies of the 90’s it’s precisely how I’ve felt most of my life.  While we’re at it, lets throw Dazed and Confused and Dumb and Dumber into the mix.

Gutters

gutters - noun

a shallow trough fixed beneath the edge of a roof for carrying off rainwater

-       technical a groove or channel for flowing liquid

cum gutters - noun

on muscular/ripped guys, the lines on both sides that lead from the hips towards the groin. the indention is the cum gutter: the easiest way to avoid wet spots is to catch excess spunk in your cum gutters

Mushroom Cave

mushroom

(mush-room) – noun

a fungal growth that typically takes the shape of a domed cap on a stalk, often with gills on the underside of the cap.

cave

(kav) – noun

a large underground chamber, typically of natural origin, in a hillside or cliff

mushroom-cave

(mush-room-kav) – noun

indelicate name given to female genitalia by squeamish gay men: no force on earth could cajole me into spelunking in a mushroom-cave