The Difference

marriage

(mar-riage) noun

the formal union of a man and a woman, typically recognized by law, by which they become husband and wife: a happy marriage.

gay marriage

(gay mar-riage) noun

same as above except with partners of a similar gender and a lot more oral sex: a very happy marriage.

Its true… 

My marriage is probably not very different from yours.  We have the same hopes and dreams, we fight about the same things and worry about similar issues; the economic downturn, our job security and what we’re going to wear to this years Oscar party.  We try to save for our future, dream about “one day” owning a house and want to leave a healthy planet for following generations.

The major difference is that in my marriage there are more penises involved. 

As any woman with a husband and/or sons can surely confirm, the more penises there are, the more work is involved. 

Let’s be honest: penises are messy!  They spray and drip and leak and are impossible to aim.  Getting a man to “sit” is harder than teaching a new puppy at obedience class.  It’s wrapped up in some macho bullshit about masculinity; women sit, men stand, now go get me a beer…

While we’re at it: penises smell!  They get “funky” fast and quickly end up reeking of musk or cheese.  God help you if there is a foreskin involved…  A penis, like any fruit or vegetable needs to be washed before eating.

There are up-sides to having a minimum of two penises per relationship.

Everybody has a toy!  When, as little boys, we first locate this wondrous appendage between our legs we are generally hooked for life and play with it as often as we can. Unlike a shiny new Tonka truck we are encouraged not to share with others.  Our first sense of ownership comes from the discovery of our penis; it’s mine, it’s fine and I’m naming him Pedro…

The blowjob factor…  The easiest way to make a man happy (or to get that new Coach bag you’ve been eyeing) is by heading down town for a little street cleaning.  Double the penises, double the happiness!

At the end of the day, this is a subtle difference; my marriage and your marriage are really no different.  Same hopes.  Same dreams.  Same problems.  Same fears.  I respect yours and ask that you respect mine. 

And the next time you see two gleeful gay guys walking down the street hand in hand, give them a knowing wink and a smile.

The difference, you see, is all in the jeans…